No Really. It's Not You, it's Me.

Last Tuesday, I went to see Dr. R to get my test results as well as to have a saline sonogram. I was most worried about the saline sonogram which actually became the least of my worries. He gave a uterus update and I have a very nice looking environment. I believe Dr. R called it cute. A little, nice, cushy home. Anatomically, I look good which made for an easy procedure with minimal (albeit, a little) pain.

Sooo, for the test results. The good news is that my follicle stimulating hormone was in better shape than last time it was tested; in fact it was within the realm of normal. That is the hormone that shows your egg reserve. BTW, when the hell did I get old enough to worry about that? I guess overnight, when I was dreaming of having it all. Regardless, that is a good thing. Sounds good so far, huh? Well there is more.

My thyroid was screwy. I have an appointment with an internal medicine doctor on Monday to address this item. Hopefully it will be a one pill a day, quick fix.

And then the jaw dropper. I have a MTHFR double chromosome mutation. Sounds like I should be the leading character in Avatar. Like I have a tail, and blue skin, and webbed feet. While I have none of those, what I do have is a bit of a problem.

From what I understand, in a nutshell, is that I cannot metabolize folic acid and B12/B6 are also affected. According to some of the research I've done (crazy, infertile lady with a computer and Internet access...watch out medical world!) is that a fertilized embryo tries to impact and begin splitting, the deficiencies in the three vitamins hinder its growth and leads to its demise. Most people wouldn't know they are pregnant. I'm pretty sure this has happened to us twice but I don't really like to think of it that way because that would mean I've had two m-words (maybe more) and my little heart can't take truly internalizing that right now so moving along.
How do you fix it, you ask? I've been put on a vitamin that has the metabolized form of folic acid, B12 and B6. It should fix the deficiency. I crack up when I think of all the orange juice, spinach and avocado that I've eaten in the last two years, thinking, "hey baby (if you are in there this month) this stuff is good for you and see what a great mommy I am already feeding your little splitting cells?!" Well not so much. At least I've tried!

The gene mutation is actually considered a vascular disorder as it leads to the build up of some gunk in the plasma due to something related to a bi-product of not being able to metabolize the folic acid. I won't pretend to know exactly what this means, but for fertility it is considered a blood clotting disorder. So I'll take a baby aspirin when I get pregnant.

The kicker is the potential that I may have to take Levonox or Heparin injections throughout the pregnancy in the stomach. They hurt, I've been told first hand.

When I've said "I'll do anything to be pregnant" this would be considered everything. I know it sounds like "oh, big deal" but I just got to the point that I am comfortable to do the injections for IVF...which last about a month. If I have to do the heparin injections, that equals about 275 injections in the stomach, not that I've done the math.

The doctor isn't sure he would recommend this protocol of injections anyways, because it thins your blood so much. So if I had an miscarriage, car accident, etc. it could be very dangerous. Sooo, basically we've gone from infertile, to maybe fertile all along, and now high-risk. I'm still a little in shock. I really thought he'd tell me that I'm the picture of health...let's get on with IVF, to fill your perfect little uterus! Not so much this time.

There are some long term affects of MTHFR which might actually explain some of my mom's health problems assuming she's the carrier of the mutation so this discovery might actually help her so that is good news. They recommend that my parents are tested. $5 bucks says my mom is the carrier! If she is, maybe she'll feel better if she starts taking the vitamins.

We have a pow-wow with Dr. R in a week to figure out if IVF is still necessary (I think we are just ready to do it since one of the benefits will be the close monitoring, etc). The ironic thing about this is how many times have you seen me write/heard me say, I just wonder what is wrong with us?! Why are we unexplained?? Well now we may know. And I tell you, I can't say I feel much better...yet. Now that there is a problem, it feels a little like we are headed towards Mordor and there is just another mountain after the hill we just climbed. I know how selfish and poor-poor me that sounds. But it's the truth today.

I'm a little scared. I'm waiting for the initial wave to go away and the adrenaline to kick in to just squash this obstacle.

*Editor's note: Ha! It's my blog, so calling this little ad lib an editor's note is really not necessary, but I thought it was "official" sounding. Although I'm just now publishing this post, I actually wrote it on Thursday. I'm publishing it on Sunday night and already I feel better. I started to edit the above, but think it is better to just leave it as I was feeling when I wrote it. I've concluded my research about MTHFR and it ranges from super scary to no big deal. I'm going with the latter and trusting my doctor and God to take care of the rest. Again, thanks friends for listening, caring and comforting me this week. I assure you, as self-absorbed as this whole infertility ride seems, I'm just as ready as you are for me to hand in my infertile ticket!