Hung Out to Dry

That's how I feel. Hung out to dry with dwindling hope. If I had any answers, at least I'd feel that I was air drying in the wind or sun, or even in the rain which would refresh my pitiful state.

Right now I feel like like I'm in Houston, in an air locked container, expected to air dry with all the answers just dripping off me like humidity.

In reality, here is what I DON'T know:
1) What's wrong with us...why can't we have children?
2) How long this is going to go on?
3) Should we be successful with having one child, will it be in time to have more?
4) What will the doctor say tomorrow/ever?
5) How long will IVF take? Do we even need IVF? Will IVF even help?
6) Why do I feel all this guilt?
7) Why does IVF scare me?
8) How much more fight do I have in me?

Here is what I do know:
1) That I desperately want a baby.
2) That Mike desperately wants a baby.
3) That God has a plan.
4) That I am an impatient and I continually sin by doubting God's plan and by trying to make it my own.

Yes, I know it sounds raw. But, if the truth be told, this is what it is like the night before a big doctor's appointment.

I ask that you pray for my renewed faith in...everything. I need to find comfort in something and all that is coming to mind is Figi and skipping the country to get away from this unknown and effort. I also sincerely ask that you pray for our new Dr. - Dr. R's hands, mind and skills . That he be anointed with the Father's divine intervention to grant us our prayer which is very simply...a successful pregnancy and a child.