Sharp left turn...

First, before I write this update, I want to give Glory to God for leading our path and caring for us along the way. I thank Him for placing people in my path and reassuring me with their caring words.

So know that as I write this and I sound a little put out it is just out of my selfishness of wanting things on my time and that I have to remind myself constantly that His timing is far better than mine.

Where to start? So Michael and I went to see an RE on April 26th. After reviewing our records and a quick physical exam, she told us that we were ready for IVF. She didn't pressure us - she just didn't feel that any other tests were necessary to move forward (if we were ready financially and emotionally). Check. Check. Sign us up. Though, before we left the appointment I expressed a few concerns about my autoimmune disease and my mom's history of autoimmune disease. As whack and looking for trouble as it sounds, I've always felt like I may be getting pregnant but having an immune response to reject the implantation. Call me crazy, but that is what my gut tells me is wrong. So the RE said that no testing was necessary and that my Raynaud's isn't the problem. My other concern was Michael's celiac disease. She also assured us that that wasn't a problem. So we leave the appointment a little stunned that it was just that easy to walk in infertile and walk out IVF patients.

I can't speak for Michael, but I think he was just relieved it was that simple. I have to say that I felt a little uneasy but didn't want to admit it because I didn't want anyone to think I was dragging my feet or being overly sensitive. You know the rest of the story about last month...I got busy with the Grand Opening of the hospital and we postponed the cycle. So, I was at my acupuncturist on Saturday and I was having a blue-hand day with my Raynaud's. My feet were like blocks of ice when she went to remove the needles and it took a few minutes for the circulation to come back. The Dr. asked me if my RE had plans to do an ANA or lipid antibody test on me. She mentioned a few other names of tests...basically ones that measure your body's reaction to intruders. These tests also test for Lupus. 85-95% of Lupus patients have Raynaud's. However, not all of Raynaud's sufferers have Lupus. Anyhoo, she said I needed more testing before moving on with the IVF. She was so surprised that the RE would move forward with IVF without running those tests. So...my doubts about the thoroughness of the RE was at least supported. (Funny, I remember the first time I went to the acupuncturist, she said I had a cold womb...I should have known she was on to something).

So I'm at work yesterday and now everyone knows why I'm leaving. I mentioned to Director of Women's and Children's that I might need help with injections when Michael is out of town. So we got to talking. She used to work for a perinatologist. She out of nowhere she asked how my ANA, MTHFR, Lipid Antibody testings all came out. I'm like, I haven't been tested for that! It as the same exact stuff that the acupuncturist had just mentioned. So I try to call my RE for hours to insist that she order those tests. No answer at the office...just voicemail. Then to just add the last layer, my bosses boss stopped by my desk. Mind you she's doesn't even office at our facility, she just happened to stop by. She recommended a different RE and swore he was the best.

So I just picked up the phone and called the RE she mentioned. The office manager visited with me for 30 minutes. She was the most empathetic, wonderful person over the phone. She confirmed that her RE would not move forward with IVF with my autoimmune history without testing first because that is the main reason for IVF failure or early miscarry (which often goes unexplained). Thus we have an appointment with the new RE Wednesday of next week. It's a male, but at this point who cares the sex of the doctor? I'd rather go to a male that will listen to my concerns than a female that gives me an "I'm the doctor, not you" look after every question I ask.

Oh, I forgot the extra good news (ha!)...the tests can take up to 8 WEEKS to get in. Imagine the pit in my stomach when I know I have to call my husband to tell him on my acupuncturist, the President of a health care company and an OB specialists' recommendations that we're going a different route. I say this so definitively because I know that my gut has made up its mind and I'm not going back to the 1st RE. I literally prayed that Michael take the news well...which he did. I can't tell you the amount of guilt I feel about being infertile. Anyone can tell me how ridiculous that is and I know it. But it is still there. You always feel just a little inadequate especially for your husband who wants a family so bad. I am so thankful that he trusts me enough to explore this other option and just make sure everything is OK before we take the plunge. I needed his support badly and was just so relieved to know he agreed with seeing a different doctor.

Well that's where we are. Potentially several months away from IVF. We're doing our best and that is all we can do.

A couple of other updates:

• We have a new dog named Rowdy - 1 year old yorkie - total pain in butt - freaking adorable.
• My last full time day at work is Friday. Grown men have cried...that's how good of friends I have made. Thus I am staying on as PRN - so I'll be part time working from home here and there. Yay! I'm invited to come back to work anytime. I feel very loved and taken care of by all who know what we're about to do.
• Michael continues to do well at his new job. He is in Jersey right now probably fist pumping and at the Gym/Tan/Laudry.
• My phone and contacts are gone. New phone was a lemon and contacts got lost in the phone transfer. Send me an email with your number. I keep feeling like I forgot to put on my pants and then I realize it's just my phone that's not working and that is why I feel naked.

If you made it to the end of this post, I owe you a beer and you must really like me to have plowed though this zig-zag of a story. I'll end again with praising God for you, for me, for Michael and for continued hope that this will all work out.