Moment I didn't expect...

About a year ago I was shopping in a little store in Ardmore that has cute gifts and a pretty good selection of Christian music. As I was walking through the store, one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard came on. I decided to buy the CD which turned out to be Kari Jobe. I had never heard of her before that day. While I like the entire CD, one song, "You are for Me" really spoke to me. It became my reality check during our infertility battle and it always moved me to tears. Often I looked for the good in struggling to have a baby and one of the best things I could think of is how often the pain brought me to my knees and led me to prayer. Ultimately, it brought me closer to God. And why I often asked why and teetered on bitterness, I think my relationship with God was strengthened. When I was feeling lonely or sad, I would crank up the following song, sing at the top of my lungs and about midway be brought to sobs. Here are the lyrics:

So faithful

So constant

So loving and so true

So powerful in all You do

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me

I know that You are for me

I know that You will never

Forsake in me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down

Even if to ride upon my heart

To remind me who You are

So patient

So gracious

So merciful and true

So wonderful in all You do

You fill me

You see me

You know my every move

And You love for me to sing to You

And Lord, I know that You are for me

I know that You are for me

I know that You will never Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down

Even if to ride upon my heart

To remind me who You are

This last part for the longest time I thought said "write upon my heart". In fact until I just checked and wrote these lyrics, I thought it was write. :) Regardless it is this part of the song that spoke to me so deeply. It said to me that God is with me and that this struggle has brought him down in the form of the Holy Spirit to write (ride) upon my heart. Our struggle is seen and felt by Him too. However, this opportunity is for me to remember who the Lord is and what He is capable of. And, most importantly, He loves me more than I can ever imagine. Oh, I can't tell you how many times this song got me through a day.

So, the other day I was once again in Oklahoma and there are really no radio options. So for the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I listened to this song. I once again broke down totally. I was visiting my mom and I had just pulled up to my parent's house when the song ended. I guess mom heard me pull up and came outside to help me with my stuff (such a fragile state I'm in...:). Of course I hadn't had time to get myself together and she was so worried something was wrong. I explained to her that this song represents a comfort in a very hard time. I was able to listen to it and rejoice instead of seeking comfort for the first time. I was reaffirmed by the line "I know that You are for me" and the proof of the answered prayer is growing in my tummy. Thank you, Jesus. Please help me always remember these words.