Why?

Tonight Michael and I attended our first birthing class. The class started at 6pm but Mike didn't get there until 7:45pm because he just flew in from Las Vegas where he was at an annual training seminar for Dell. I've been gone from home since Friday and he's been gone since Sunday; needless to say we're both glad to be home. I had some cramping over the weekend (I think I figured out that it is from poor circulation...I have a new tactic to combat the cramping so no need for worry); but my parents held me hostage because my hubby wasn't home. Anyhoo, we're both home with the doggies and it feels great.

I had a fabulous shower in Oklahoma. I'll post about that when I'm in a more chipper mood because it deserves a happy post.

As happy as I am right now to be home, I am also incredibly sad. I started following a friend of a friend of a friend's blog a while back. The author of the blog has cancer. She's a beautiful young woman who is suffering greatly. She is also one of the most faithful people I have ever observed. I don't mean to make my sadness any mild reflection of her suffering...I've never even met this young woman. But I've been awe struck by her since being introduced to her...even if it is just by video blog. I've prayed for a miracle every time I've conversed with the Lord. From what I learned tonight it seems that medicine is not the answer for her ailments. I can't even write the news I heard tonight; it is just too final. I won't quit praying for a miracle or doubt that the Lord is capable of healing.

Yet, I'm so upset. Upset because I know the miracle would have already been performed if it were coming.

I keep trying to think about other things. We have all these amazing things going on...a recent shower, a baby on the way, companionship, friends, family, funds to buy the baby essentials, etc. etc. I should be couting my blessings. And in a way I am. I think this recent news reminds me how fragile our "temporary" home is. As much as I try to get this house in order for Reid, I often forget that this home is just for now. Heaven is my true home. This is a reminder that as much as I can get everything nested properly - if I'm not right with the Lord then I might as well sit and do nothing. I need to prepare for His divine Kingdom in everything I do.

I also think that Sarah's journey really strikes me with my own mortality. Tragedy can strike anytime...whether you are a believer or not. Maybe this is scary to me because as hard as I try to control everything, when really nothing is in my control. That's a hard realization when carrying a little one in my belly.

Needless to say, I have a lot of random thoughts going through my mind. It may boil down to that I'm angry. I'm mad that she is in pain, that she didn't have more time with her new husband, that she isn't going to get to rock her child to sleep. And maybe I wonder why I get to do these things when I can see that she is more faithful, more patient and more kind than me. Why?

Why? It seems I'm never able to answer that question when I ask it...in so many areas of my life.

I also think I'm scared. So scared that everything can be taken away in an instant. How is God's Kingdom supposed to be my sanctuary when I'm about to give birth to my heart here on earth?

And that begs the question, why am I even thinking about this when I need be at Babies-R-Us buying a freaking baby monitor?!

I can't imagine anyone made it through this post so I think this one is just for me. So notes to self - be thankful for what the Lord has given you. You don't have to justify your blessings. Live for the Lord. Again, be thankful. Grieve, even if it is supposed to be the happiest time in your life...it's OK to be sad now and then. Continue to pray for a miracle even if it is said to be "too late". And, lastly, quit trying to understand everything. Not everything can be explained in a simple "but why?" answer...

Date night

Last Saturday, Nancy and Steve treated us to a ANO (adults night out). We went to eat at Capital Grille and then on to see Young Frankenstein. I will admit, it's been years since I've seen a play. This one was very cute and it was at the Winspear which I had heard was very cool but had never been. Dinner was yummy, company was great and play was funny. I love it, though, when something as simple as our "cab ride" home turned out to seal the deal as a truly memorable experience! All 8 of us (Nancy, Steve, Meredith, Derek, Anne, Mark, Michael and I*) piled into a Froggy-5-0 type (got to be a TCU Horned Frog to know about this one) golf cart. I sat in the front seat on Michael's lap. Funny enough, the front right wheel bottomed out on each bump...hmmm, coincidence? Nope, but it was hilarious! We laughed sooo hard all the while hoping that we weren't breaking the golf cart! Not to mention it was freezing. Anyways, it was fun to be all dressed up and have such a good time out. Thanks Lawsons!

Here are some pics...

*10 if you count babies on board.

Hi, last trimester...

It's here! The last trimester. Please sllloooowwww down, pregnancy! I want to meet little Reid, but I just want to stay right here for a while.

Michael didn't travel for work this week and it's amazing what we got done around the house. I cleaned out two closets, made a big pot of chili and cornbread to sustain us through the cold spell, the garbage disposal broke, Michael installed a new garbage disposal, I bought a new large rug for upstairs, Ellie got her teeth cleaned, I bought a new rug for the living room downstairs, we have a painter coming on Friday to paint upstairs (that room is going to be a family/Reid play room), Time Warner cable came out to make the rest of our cable jacks hot, I went to work today to keep training my replacement, Michael and I both have teeth cleaning appointments tomorrow, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and passed by gestational diabetes test but found out that I'm still anemic even with iron pills...was told to eat steak...no problem, Zoey has a grooming appointment tomorrow, Michael and I are interviewing a pediatrician on Friday and we bought a BOB jogging stroller (Michael installed the carrier conversion kit on that). Oh, Michael also set up the hands free bluetooth in my car and made me breakfast in bed this morning. And we still like each other after all these nesting, honey-do type activities. My dad is coming to help Michael with some heavy lifting this weekend. Once the room upstairs is painted, all the future will have to be situated. Nancy and Steve (mother and father-in-law) gave us their awesome furniture when they purchased new stuff earlier in 2010. The room upstairs has just been awaiting its face lift to match the lovely furniture sitting in the middle of the room! Yay for this weekend. Reid is excited for all the commotion and movement that I've been doing...he's definitely going to like to be bounced when he makes his arrival.

Steve took this pic of Michael and I last weekend and our adults night out to Capital Grille and Young Frankenstein. I love it!

Progression of the bump...

It feels strange to be taking so many pictures of myself, but I know I'll want these later! Here are some pics from the last few weeks. I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow and I'm feeling great! A little tired some days, rearing to go others. Reid is moving around more than he was before so that makes my day. The nursery is all but finished (except for the bedding which didn't fit so I'm having it ripped apart by a seamstress and put back together...thanks for selling bedding that fits RH only cribs, Restoration Hardware!). We had a mural painted this week, pics to come. We're cooped up due to the weather but I've been nesting so I don't mind not being able to get out. Oh and we also went see Young Frankenstein with the Lawsons, Smiths and Robinsons (other). Pics to come from that as well!

Wowza, that's my belly at 23 weeks. It's grown a lot this month (posting at 27 weeks...maybe I'll be brave and display).

23 weeks, PG version.

24 weeks at Christmas. My favorite "pregnancy"' shirt.

Working out at 25 weeks...OK, not really. Just looks like a work out shirt to show the shape.

Can someone please carry this 25 week bump around for me? Just a hand under my belly in constant motion with me would be great. Thanks!

26 weeks with my better half! He's always taking the photos but he's a big part of this baby growing too! He keeps getting better looking and I keep expanding so I'm not so sure about that but he's pretty darn amazing.
26 weeks solo. :(

Stay warm! I have to go shuffle around clutter and pretend to really get stuff done for this upcoming arrival!