Hopeful Hearts

Every month I attend a infertility and early/infant loss group hosted by the church we attend. It has literally saved my sanity. My friend, Amanda, suggested it - I had no idea the church even offered it. I think I started going around last fall. When I started attending, I felt consumed by the want for a child, Michael was having trouble understanding my continued devastation month after month and I didn't think God could hear my cries for a baby. So much has changed since then and much to the thanks of Hopeful Hearts. I could list so many of my emotions that have been brought forward and ultimately changed. But the best way to describe it is I no longer feel forgotten. I actually know deep down that one day I'm going to be thankful for this struggle. Even now, I know that parenthood won't be the same for me after knowing the want for a child for this long.

Usually Hopeful Hearts is about me, me, me. Each of us share and grieve for one another in our own way, but ultimately it has been about me feeling better after the meeting...less alone. Last night was different. I was OK with where we are. Even when I was sharing my story - there just wasn't that anguish that I usually feel. It just seemed like a way of life rather than getting something off my chest. However, last night doesn't weigh any less on my heart, but less for me and more for others. I cannot even tell you some of the horrific things that have happened in the last month to women who have become my friends. I thought my uneventful journey has been devastating...now, sometimes I think He's spared me by letting our journey be just that: uneventful. We've had letdowns but not tragedy and for that I am thankful. Please pray for the women in this group - God knows who they are. Please pray for peace for each one of them (us).